It’s been about 6 months since joining crossfit. When I reached approx. one month without sugar, I experienced what I believe to be a mini-meltdown. A full meltdown would have no guesswork about it. This was a meltdown-lite.
The stimuli for this meltdown-lite were many: my jeans were tighter than when I started crossfit, my shoulders felt like they were bulging, my thighs felt like tree-trunks, and even though I had been working out and of all things, cut out sugar for about 28 days, I wasn’t any closer to looking like a supermodel.
Supermodel’s jeans don’t get TIGHTER…. do they?
I started to have a body perception of a Queen Kong.
Being a Crossfitter is different from anything I’ve ever done. As a kid, I ran and played ball, climbed, biked, etc., and grew up muscular, which is great. As an adult, I hit the gym hard and worked on muscle groups with tailored machines. This, for biceps. This, for triceps. Stairmaster for 25 years for the butt. Everything I did had a predictable outcome on my body.
The difference with Crossfit, is that I just DID. Come to the gym, do the workout and leave. There is never a time Lisa stands in front of us and says – OK peeps, 20 reps for more defined arms, lift those legs to get your butts tight girls! We are moving, pushing, pulling, lifting in endless combinations for total body fitness, strength and endurance.
But aha! Six months later, the thighs ARE bulging from the ungodly amount of squats we do. The shoulders ARE more defined from pull-ups and every kind of lifting we do. And then it’s about watching and feeling what my body is doing, almost independent of me, it seems, rather than watching predicted results of exercises chosen for desired changes. And there I am, trying to mentally catch up with the body changes, looking, poking, peering, feeling, asking each step of the way – do I like this? Do I want this? Is this OK?
Well, after having the meltdown-lite, where, for a short while I was certain I did not want to continue my morph into Queen Kong, the answer is simple.
The most amazing thing about my every day is still that I am not eating sugar or bread. In the supermarket, I pass up my old friends – breads, cereals, jellies etc. – as if I never knew them. I don’t sneak the hershey kisses from my colleague’s desk or go into the stores that I know have chocolate bowls. It is still almost unbelievable to exist like this, every day. And each workout at crossfit is an exhilarating experience. Lying there gasping for air wondering, each time, WHO DOES THIS?, feels beyond awesome. It’s the consummate personal high.
So, 6 months later, I have decided I am willing to go up a size in jeans, fine with using these shoulders to bulldoze through life, and feel grateful each day for ever-improving fitness, and that the sugar beast and I have parted ways. It’s worth it.